Nearly all the posts are bilingual.
Presque tous les articles sont bilingues.

English spoken. On parle français. (وكمان منفهم عربي، حبيبي)

Most of this blog's contents is subject to copyright. For instance, many of the latest illustrations I've made myself. I'm the cooperative type. If you intend to borrow some material, please contact me by leaving a comment. :-)
La plupart du contenu de ce blog est soumis aux droits d'auteurs. Par exemple, nombre des illustrations les plus récentes sont faites par moi. Je suis du genre coulant. Si vous comptez emprunter du contenu, SVP contactez-moi en laissant un commentaire. :-)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Safara fil'amara ya khooy! (Mooh?)

"Safara fil'aamara" is a comical movie from Egypt's numero uno actor -if you don't count the politicians-, Adel Imam, who bears a slight resemblance with our previous President (especially the wide grin, Guinness record of whiteness). "An embassy in the building" tells the story of a peaceful Egyptian fella who returns from a long trip, to discover floating on his building... the Israeli flag!!! Awwaah, kida shocking 'awi! Turns out that the Hebrew State just opened, at long last, an embasssy in Egypt (the only arab country, with Jordan, that's signed peace treaties with the traditional enemy), and that said embassy is located precisely in the bloke's building! Abundant egyptian-style subtle gags ensue, but I haven't seen the movie. I hear it's very funny when you love arab humour. Especially the cream pie fight in the final scene's reception.
So funny, that a remake was impossible to pass, right? As with all successful movies. (And even some bombs...)
And thus, since the end of the Syrian military presence in Lebanon (on April 29th 2005, for those who were on a trip), the much awaited normalization between our two countries has made good progress. The mutual opening of embassies has been decided, which should normalize the rather special mutual and reciprocal relationships existing between the both of us. Well, when I say "normalize"... At the inauguration of the Lebanon Embassy in Damascus this Monday, the Syrian Foreign Minister was absent. He was later asked why. "Quite simply, nobody informed me!" He wasn't even sent a small invitation to the inauguration cocktail of qtayef, samboussik, mashawi and jellab syrup. Talk about a good start...
Ah, these Lebanese! Their whole life is planned improvisation style!
Which theater is running this movie, Safara 2 : Syriana? Uhm... well... it's not exactly in a theater.
It's in national TV news. It didn't happen in a movie gag, but with the real embassy.
[Ahem!] How about we hurried and talked about something else? You noticed how changing the weather is this season?
There are even rainstorms in Damascus, even though in general it's practically a desert region.
Oops! I said : let's switch topics! Aywa effendim, yalla bina min hena!
Sayonara, shalomara, bye-bye. (Dub-dub-dub... BEEP-BEEP! Whooooshhhhh!.....)
Don't ask me what's a Geococcyx californianus doing in the Syrian deserts, I haven't got the faintest idea. Hurrying to the cocktail while there are still some baklawas left, maybe.
(Sigh) Try as I may to avoid that topic, I can't help it. Either you're a Lebanese or you're not.
A third movie will soon be produced jointly with Hollywood, as was the case with Les Visiteurs 3. I'll tell you more about it as soon as my contact, a former elite Mossad agent who defected to the East (this means the Orient), brings me the scenario, which is currently locked away in a bank safe in Switzerland. He's one Jacob Bauwerovitch, perhaps you've heard of his reputation. He can get you any document within 24 hours, provided it's classified.
This means I can't hire him to bring me my ID card, which is still wandering in national Administration limbo. I'm warning you, guys, if I don't have it by June, I'm not voting!
Anyway, if I don't have it, I can't vote. So, in your face!
"Ask not what you can do for your elected representative, ask what this @%#$& Administration bothers doing for you." -- Hanna Farid Al-Kanadi, Lebanese emigrant, former Ambassador in Yüghuristan (Central Asia), author of "One people, one day, maybe".

 Hello? No visitors? "Safara fil'aamara" est un film comique de l'acteur Egyptien number one -si on ne compte pas les politiciens-, Adel Imam, qui n'est pas sans ressembler légèrement à notre précédent Président (surtout le grand sourire, record Guinness de blancheur). "Une ambassade dans l'immeuble" raconte l'histoire d'un brave Egyptien qui, revenant d'un long voyage, découvre flottant sur son immeuble... le drapeau Israélien!!! Awwaah, kida shocking 'awi! C'est que l'Etat Hébreu vient d'ouvrir enfin une ambassade en Egypte (seul pays arabe, avec la Jordanie, à avoir signé des accords de paix avec l'ennemi traditionnel), et cette ambassade est située justement dans un appartement de l'immeuble du bonhomme! Force gags subtils de style égyptien s'ensuivent, mais je n'ai pas vu le film. Il paraît que c'est très drôle quand on aime l'humour arabe. Surtout le combat de tartes à la crème dans la réception de la scène finale.
Tellement drôle, qu'un remake s'imposait, n'est-ce pas? Comme pour tous les films à succès. (Et même quelques nanars.)
Ainsi, depuis la fin de la présence militaire Syrienne au Liban (le 29 Avril 2005, pour ceux qui étaient en voyage), la normalisation tant attendue entre nos deux pays a bien avancé. L'ouverture réciproque d'ambassades a été décidée, qui devrait normaliser les relations mutuelles et réciproques assez spéciales existant entre nous. Enfin, "normaliser"... A l'inauguration de l'Ambassade du Liban à Damas ce lundi, le Ministre Syrien des Affaires Etrangères était absent. On lui en a demandé plus tard la raison. "Tout simplement, personne ne m'a prévenu!" On ne lui a même pas expédié une petite invitation pour le cocktail inaugural de qtayef, samboussik, mashawi et sirop de jellab. Ça commence bien...
Ah, ces Libanais! Toute leur vie est planifiée à l'improvisation!
Dans quel cinéma passe ce film,
Safara 2 : Syriana? Euh... ben... c'est pas exactement dans un cinéma.
C'est aux actualités nationales. Ce n'est pas arrivé dans un gag de film, mais avec la vraie ambassade.
[Ahem!] Si on se dépêchait de parler d'autre chose? Vous avez remarqué comme le temps est changeant en cette saison?
Il y a même des orages à Damas, pourtant quasiment désertique en général.
Oups! J'avais dit : on change de sujet! Aywa effendim, yalla bina min hena!
Sayonara, shalomara, bye-bye. (Dub-dub-dub... BEEP-BEEP! Whooooshhhhh!.....)
Ne me demandez pas ce que fait un Geococcyx californianus dans les déserts de Syrie, j'en sais rien. Il se dépêche d'aller au cocktail tant qu'il reste des baklawas, peut-être.
(Soupir) J'ai beau essayer d'éviter le sujet, c'est plus fort que moi. On est Libanais ou on ne l'est pas.
Un troisième film sera bientôt produit conjointement avec Hollywood, comme pour
Les Visiteurs 3. Je vous en reparlerai dès que mon contact, un ex-agent d'élite du Mossad passé à l'Est (l'Orient, donc), m'aura transmis le scénario, actuellement enfermé dans un coffre-fort de banque en Suisse. C'est un certain Jacob Bauwerovitch, vous le connaissez peut-être de réputation. Il peut vous ramener n'importe quel document en 24 heures, pourvu qu'il soit top secret.
Ça veut dire que je ne peux pas l'embaucher pour me ramener ma carte d'identité, qui erre toujours dans les limbes de l'Administration nationale. Je vous préviens, les gars, si je ne l'ai pas d'ici Juin, je ne vote pas!
D'ailleurs, si je ne l'ai pas, je ne peux pas voter. Et toc!
"Ne demandez pas ce que vous pouvez faire pour votre député, demandez ce que cette @%#$& Administration daigne faire pour vous." -- Hanna Farid Al-Kanadi, émigré Libanais, ancien Ambassadeur au Iöughouristan (Asie Centrale), auteur de "Un peuple, un jour, peut-être".

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

They should blanke the middle East wth A bombs...blow those towel head fucks into the stone age...andin a thousand years repopulate with real people

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Great idea. I'm sure in a thousand years, the West will have developed an alternative to oil and overcome its energy addiction.

But... if they do like you said, Safara 3 will have to be shot in Nevada, with immigrant actors! That would cost more, what with union laws and all...

Mmm... Come to think of it, no, that's not such a good idea. Too impractical, too many inconveniences.
Where would imperialists find excuses for their wars?
Unless we also nuke Crawford Ranch, then the problem is no more.

Work on it, and send me a memo, OK? I have a few megatons of palestinian gym socks stashed away, ready for use and waiting for a better plan than a couple lame planes in a couple puny skyscrapers. Gimme something spectacular to aim for, baby. I'm countin' on ya.

Hari Hades, High Hopes, Holy Horcrux, Hail Horus! To arms, minions!

Anonymous said...

NUKE THE WHALES

Gotta nuke somethin

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Maybe if we had nuked Whales Treat... I mean Wall Street a little earlier...
Who knows? If Osama had aimed at a nearby place instead of that big tempting WTC, perhaps he would've saved the world from subprime loans and the financial crisis. Clumsy jerk.
(sigh) It's SO hard finding good competent minions these days when you're a Dark Overlord. You have to do all the thinking by yourself.

Maybe Pakistan, then. I don't like Pakistan, they're giving in to Taliban influence. Plus, with some luck BinLulu might be bird #2 for that stone. THAT would teach him to miss Wall Street!

But in Pakistan, they might be immune to palestinian sock radiation. Remember Dr Banner, that Gamma bomb did the opposite of killing him! It made him as strong and smart as the US Army under King George Bush the Second.

Better think this over, long and hard. The S.O.A.P. bomb [Shower Overcoming Any Pungentness], perhaps? Deodorant-based bio-warfare? Aloevera Kedavra? Lavender-scented talcum spores? (Nah, too cruel and prohibited by Geneva Convention, let's stick to jasmine juice.)

Anonymous said...

the gamma bomb didn't make him smart it made him stupid....at first he was crafty but kind of a jerk

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Precisely. Dubya was Head of the Armies, and Green Hulk's head was about as intelligent. I never said that amounted to much! :-D
"Talk to the fist, puny Saddam! Bush SMASH!"

Oh, and "kind of a jerk" is also very fitting for that comparison. :-)

Jimbo said...

I remember reading this pocket book sized reprint of the first few Hulk comics. I got them second hand when I was a kid along with some of the early Spider-Mans. They had recolored the Gray Hulk green in the early ones which didn't make sense years when I heard people talking about the original Hulk being gray in color!

He was a lot smarter than the Green Hulk, which didn't really work. It was like he retained Banner's brains but lost his pantywaist qualities. Needless to say it didn't really work too well. The Green Hulk with his childlike mind and supremely powerful body was a better combination.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Hmm... I'm not sure this makeover really works either.
[The one on the right is, of course, Vladimir Putin.]

I like how the Green Hulk sometimes displayed flashes of instinctive brilliance in combat. Stuff that you'd never expect from Banner's analytic mind, like clever combat reflexes. Basically, that series is a Jeckyll & Hyde - Frankenstein's Creature alloy. Done well.

I've quit reading nearly all Marvel comics just a few months ago, when their prices suddenly jumped up 35% for no reason. ):-P

I've discontinued several magazines after the damn importer did this. Let the fuckers learn, or their business wither from their own stupidity.
To think our Phoenician ancestors are famous to this day for their commercial smarts! :-(

Jimbo said...

I've quit reading nearly all Marvel comics just a few months ago, when their prices suddenly jumped up 35% for no reason. ):-PThat's quite a hike. It's funny, they've probably gone up more in the past ten years than in the sixty before that. Too bad the quality seems to have gone the other way.

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