Nearly all the posts are bilingual.
Presque tous les articles sont bilingues.

English spoken. On parle français. (وكمان منفهم عربي، حبيبي)

Most of this blog's contents is subject to copyright. For instance, many of the latest illustrations I've made myself. I'm the cooperative type. If you intend to borrow some material, please contact me by leaving a comment. :-)
La plupart du contenu de ce blog est soumis aux droits d'auteurs. Par exemple, nombre des illustrations les plus récentes sont faites par moi. Je suis du genre coulant. Si vous comptez emprunter du contenu, SVP contactez-moi en laissant un commentaire. :-)

Friday, May 8, 2009

Catastrophe Suis Generis

There's no stopping progress. There's no stopping human stupidity, either, but one thing at a time, let's not go astray or we'll be here all day.
So then, in the name of the triumphing and galloping march of progress, there I'm set anew to enlighten the amazed face of the world with the high educational value of my humble blog (at least five inches high, gee wiz!) and clobber you with a smashing scientific revelation that'll cultivate you smack in the medium. Hang on to your mice, for it's proven, all internauts keep their hand on it when they're reading a blog (no, no, too late to remove it, I saw all of you). Right, you all well seated now? Then hear this :


Yup. I know, it's amazing. (Okay, enough being flabbergasted, now close your mouth, so we can proceed.)
Every year, various common flu viruses combine together through co-contamination, in their main natural reservoir, the pork and duck farms in China. Let's pause for a second and meditate over the repugnifying sanitary conditions that this suggestionizes. Thanks to promiscuity, there always arises -through cross-breeding- some new strands, which spread to the equally promiscuate humans (sometimes all this lot live, sleep and sniffle together), helped by the cold season, and the flu soon propagates across the planetary village like some nasty gossip. And it so happens that rumours aren't the only thing that can kill. So can influenza. Each year, the less robust bipeds pass away, (dis)courtesy of that illness. The babies, the elderly, the heart cases, the diabetic, the jerks, the ugly, the poor, the homeless, the immigrants, and even some seemingly stout adults often depart. Even more often so when, with random statistical recombinations, arises a viral type that's particularly new to the atavistic immunity of our herd, such as the famous (and infamous) 1918 Spanish Flu. Okay, so this particular one had it easy, helped by four years of war and deprivation, we prepared the field for it like in the best choleracised neighborhoods of bellicising Africania.

And so, as chance would have it, this year, the Climate Change seems to have diversified the plot, akin to Latin America's telenovelas. From Mexico precisely, we were treated to a slightly more original scenario. For info, winter cold merely helps the virus survive in the environment, but what really causes epidemics is the promiscuity of us chilly ones, when we hairless primates friskily make ourselves snug inside after storing away our bikinis in naphtalene. How thoughtless!
Sounds as if them Spanish-speaking fellas are jinxed, don't you think? Every century or so, a flu pandemia hatches among them...

So, lo and behold, bam! a flu pops up in Mexico. And guess what? You were following, right? Yes? Walid, at the end of the class? "This flu kills"? Bravo, Walid Abal-Daken, that's an A+ for you! Indeed, this flu is like the others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jinkies! Gadzoinks! Panic in the pastures! Scramble the news rooms! Bin the rest of the big world news headlines : Obama's reforms, Sarkozy getting challenged, Putin's gas releases, the islamist farts in Iraq, overpopulation in India, famin somewhere in Africa, Britney Spears' latest song, the mock-fashion outrages from Mister Eolake Stobblehouse, and we even got close, oh sacrilege, to missing Silvio Berlusconi's divorce, ma que mamma mia, per la Madona, que calamitosa, bouggoro de cornuto! Come on, my good voters, calm your beheaded fowl's panic, this time we nearly ran into a catastrophe.

We also got very close to a miscarriage of justice, and almost spoiled the joy of Brigitte Bardot, who at last has convinced Europe to buy no more baby seal fur [see? I told you the world was progressing]. Methinks Brigitte corrupted the European Commission by threatening each of its members to sleep with him if he didn't vote for the boycott! This woman is the Cicciolina in reverse, si signor. Anyhow, that was a close call, but Brigitte is relieved.

Yes, relieved, because we almost accused innocent ickle aminals, such as Piglet, the kind and decent buddy of my childhood buddy Winnie. "Swine flu", they said. "Tally-ho on the piglet", cried in havoc the plagued human animals. But no sick swine (suis domesticus) was found so far! This epidemic is a sui generis situation, specific to the stampeding Homo sapiens. Ah, excuse me, this just in : a flu-sick group of hogs has just been discovered. Was it in Mexico? Nay, in Canada. Some imbecile human female, back from Mexico all infected and sniveling, poisoned them with her icky microbes, under the excuse that she's their breeder and she does what she likes with her beasties. You tyrannical meanie! Calisse de méchant scandale, tabernak!

Besides, it didn't take this info, and these poor beasts seeing biological aggression injury added to the insult of defamation campaign in Canada, for another so-called civilised country to jump on the excuse to justify a genocide. No, not Serbia, not Sudan, not Rwanda, not China in Tibet, not Benetton with the Mapuche indians, not neo-nazi Germany nor Israel repressing the current intifada. But well indeed cheerful and touristic Egypt! Boycott Egypt, and visit Lebanon instead, I cash in a commission every time I advertise us with travelers.

So, Egypt has decreed, without any butane gas chambers but we'll manage without them just fine, the complete extermination of the swine race on its land. How many sick hogs, over there? Uhm, [just a sec, I'm counting] about... zero! Even if we count the two-legged pigs, those described by the naturalist George Orwell, none was overtaken by the slightest pharaonic sneeze, by Horus and by Porcus. Such luck, it's like magic!

But, I hear you asking (calm down, little Walid, I'm getting there), does this mean that impure animals are being raised, in holy islamic land, in the nation of the Al-Azhar theology University? Great turbaned fatwas, how cometh, how canst it be?

It so happens that there are Christians in Egypt. A tiny dozen millions, not too shabby... Copts, one of the oldest Jesusistic communities in the world, along with the ones in Palestine/Israel and in Iraq. Incidentally, they're not always rich. By some odd coincidence, they're often the poorest among the poor in Egypt, namely the famous zabbaleen, Cairo's ragmen amidst whom Sister Emmanuelle lived, the garbage recyclers. And if they're so bold as to thus provoke the precious few islamists who occasionally happen to be slightly tolerance-challenged, it's for their private consumption and out of survival needs. For pork is the poor man's treasure (think of piggy-banks). This frugal animal will feed on practically anything (including dreadful vipers, which saved more than one human if not Cleopatra), and its meat production is most generous. Pork meat production costs twice less than kosher beef, and 4 times less than fine halal sheep. To such an extent that in France, half of the merguez sausage producers (albeit being muslims, just like their pious customers) slip pork in their meat products, without of course mentioning it on the label. Allah preserve us, we're in panic, we're in worry, we're getting concerned!

Emotion being of ill advice, rumors naturally leap on all those who haven't already caught the nasty bug of swine Mexican Flu. Nature hates void. In Egypt, especially, some people are outrageously hinting that this massive slaying of hogs (none must survive, within a month), initiated a week ago amidst the indifference of the christian and porcophagist West, some are gossiping that it's merely an excuse, that the pigs are just scape goats to persecute the Christians, and to please the fundamentalist opposition, which will surely see it as a sign of weakness from the regime. I swear, naive people can be so slanderous at times. All this, merely because the decision was jointly taken by the Health Minister and President Moubarak in person? So what, what does this prove, huh? While at it, other outlandish claims are being spread, upon seeing the squabbles opposing a few tens of thousands ragpeople to kind cops carrying callous clubs, come and clap! For instance, some insinuate that the compensation promised to the breeders, which was downsized from $100 to $20 apiece, never got paid to those whose animals have already been put down, and voices are speaking of "politicians being cheap even in promises". Man, what utter nonsense. All this merely because the Copts regularly see riots, every week or month, under the excuse that muslims have allegedly abducted coptic girls to forcefully convert them and samely marry them, or that the State forbids them from making the slightest repair to their cult buildings. But me, I never listen to this sort of tales, I'm a good Lebanese patriot, really I am, effendim.
''Snirfle!'' Meanie plotting terrorist pigs who catch a cold!I prefer to listen to pious and reliable arabs (by definition), people who always begin their speeches with a prayer, for whom "putting Allah in every sentence, is there anything more beautiful"? (To quote a Lebanese guy I know.) Here, take for instance, the golden and perfumed deep wisdom exiting the golden and perfumed deep mouth of cactus-face Yasser Arafat's spiritual successor, namely Mahmood Ahmadi Nejad, Iran's very own George W. Bush. A regular Chrysostom, he is, Mahmood Golden Mouth. He got re-invited to the second anti-racism conference in Durban (let the guilty UN employee step forward, this isn't funny), in the Rainbow Nation where he promptly got eponymous wigs and red noses blooming with his high coloured statements. Must be some darn good quality maps they print in Iran, for him to still not have found an eraser capable of rubbing off the few square centimeters representing the location of Israel. So, naturally, he vents his understandable frustration at any given chance and to anyone willing to listen. (Even to those not willing, in fact. Altermondialists took out their clown suits, Europeans took off from the room, and M.A.N. took them all aback.)
WANTED for birthday parties - Cactus Ding Jack, AKA Bozo - $$$$$The West, always so concerned with the Rights of Man, even of the least manly among them, had to give up defending the liberty (legitimate albeit sexual) of fags, wusses, sissies, trannies, dykes, lesbians and other gays "of alternate sexuality", as they say among fine-speaking folks. Those homosexuals who very occasionally find themselves a wee bit bothered in all muslim countries, including mine. "Merely a detail of History, let's not talk about it, we're not going to argue for such insignificant matters." Fortunately, in counterpart for this climb down, the West also obtained that this new con-fear-ants wouldn't fizzle out in a soggy pudding like the previous one by accusing Israel of being the most racist country in the worl... uhm, awright, let's move along, shall we? [Yalla, proceed, quickly!]

Oddly, the criminalization of freedom of religion in a majority of muslim countries, including some great friends of the pious and tolerant West, this nobody thought of mentioning. It seems that homosexuals are the priority numero uno. Sorry, Christians, looks like you've been outnumbered.
But truth be said, Muumuu-Deedee isn't the worst person to yack about an out of place politicized racism. Let's put Cactus Jackob's outrageousness into perspective : in Iran, did you know?, the rights of the Christian community are strictly protected, including the right to use wine, an alcoholic beverage, in the weekly practice of their cult. While a vast majority of non-shiite countries wil readily throw you a Nazarite in the slammer for crime of prayer. (No, Walid, we won't be mentioning names.)
Me, I consider that changing religions doesn't offend God. It only offends the (sordid) monopoly that some are attempting to grant themselves on God. Sol lucet omnibus, fratri. But what do *I* know about religion? A miscreant like myself...

In Lebanon too, Allah be praised (praised, you can say that again!), everybody's free to belong to their religion and to practice it. Furthermore, in our beautiful and not so backwards country, the "crime of apostasy" doesn't exist in the books of Law. If a muslim (or a christian, or a druse, or a buddhist, or a vegetarian, or a scientologist, really anybody) chooses to change religion, he/she is legally free to do so. [For example, many Sunnis have become Shiites to allow their daughters to inherit.]
Worst case scenario, the family's very likely to declare him/her dead in their hearts and never to be spoken to again, but there's no unpunished "honor crime" for these cases, and in general nobody tries to, uh, "cleanse them in blood". Here in our country. Yay.''Is this great news, or what?''I know some such people. Their life is sad, that's understandable when those you love disown you and despise you, but their life IS NOT threatened, and even less so their citizen's freedom.
While on the topic, in Iran, transsexuals have the State FINANCING the operation which will make them "she"s, women. A rather open attitude. But I digress.

Sure, in practice the Zionist regime has a markedly racist attitude and behavior towards the Palestinians and it own non-jewish citizens, but AT LEAST they have the merit of not outlawing their very faith. In Israel, there's no such thing as a "mosque misdemeanor", a "many Bibles infraction", or a "crime of conversion". Let's render unto Pilate the things which are Pilate's.
While the Christians of the Orient are a whole culture currently vanishing in a deafening silence. Hey, a bit like what's happening right now in Kosovo : cemeteries desecrated, monasteries ransacked or razed, Orthodoxes lynched and living cloistered... The CIA knew all along that this UCK were religious extremists.
The betrayal of the Christians, I blame first and foremost on their so-called brethren from the powerful countries, who sell their blood for oil. What luck, then, that oil will soon run out. Except in Norway, and in vilified Russia, which at that moment they'll hastily trot kowtowing to, hoppity-hop, coochie-coo.

Meanwhile, we'll probably have witnessed the official extinction of Copts, Assyrians, Chaldeans, Great Pandas, mountain Gorillas, Orang-utans of Borneo, Blue Whales, Saint Louis Nargles, and Yangtse-Kiang Dolphins (also called in China "Pink Dolphins of the Yellow River"). In fact, by the time I finish writing this, I bet one of these species, less resilient than the Israelens hebraicus, has already been erased from the maps.
A real swine of a dirty trick. And... if Mumu has forsaken him, then who will ever save Piglet from the butcher? Does he even deserve it, this porking, voracious, ungraceful beast? Or are there computer viruses in the spanish edition DVDs of Winnie and his friends, threatening our dear children right as we speak? Will somebody think of the children?

Well, me, I don't really care, you know, I ain't worried. At home, I've only got a cat and a few canaries. Not the slightest hog. Not even a guinea-pig! So world politics aren't about to ruin my sleep, not even spoil my appetite.
Who wants a rib?

P.S.: My apologies to Kurt Westergaard for the caricature!

P.S.2: I've just heard that the spiritual leader of the Muslim Brothers in Egypt gave a vibrant praise to Hezbollah, who are in open conflict with the Moubarak government. A clear proof that His Presidential Altitude Hosni Beyk has not tried to befriend the islamists with this swine slaughter affair. Since they're not the least bit befriended! Quod erat demonstrandum...

On n'arrête pas le progrès. On n'arrête pas la stupidité humaine, non plus, mais une chose à la fois, ne nous égarons pas sinon on va y passer la journée.
Donc, au nom de la marche triomphante et galopante du progrès, je m'en vais derechef illuminer la face émerveillée du monde par la haute valeur éducative de mon humble blog (haute au moins de douze centimètres, wâow!) et vous asséner une révélation scientifique étourdissante qui va vous cultiver en plein milieu. Cramponnez-vous donc à vos souris, car c'est prouvé, tous les internautes ont la main dessus lorsqu'ils lisent un blog (non, non, trop tard pour l'enlever, je vous ai tous vus). Bon, vous êtes bien assis? Alors, entendez ceci :


Eh oui. Je sais, ça surprend. (Bon, ça suffit l'effarement, fermez la bouche maintenant, que l'on continue.)
Chaque année, divers virus de la grippe commune se combinent entre eux par co-contamination, dans leur principal réservoir naturel, les élevages de canards et de porcs en Chine. Prenons un instant de pause pour méditer sur les conditions sanitaires répugnifiantes que cela suggérationne. Grâce à la promiscuité, il émerge toujours -par métissage- de nouvelles souches, qui se communiquent aux humains tout aussi promiscus (parfois tout ce beau monde vit, dort et renifle ensemble), à la faveur de la saison froide, et la grippe a tôt fait de se propager comme un vilain commérage dans tout le village planétaire. Or, il n'y a pas que les rumeurs qui tuent. L'influenza aussi. Chaque année, les bipèdes les moins robustes décèdent à la (dé)faveur de cette maladie. Les bébés, les vieux, les cardiaques, les diabétiques, les cons, les moches, les pauvres, les SDF, les immigrés, et même quelques adultes en apparence costauds trépassent souvent. Plus souvent encore quand, au hasard des recombinaisons statistiques, émerge un type viral particulièrement nouveau pour l'immunité atavique de notre troupeau, comme la fameuse (et infâme) Grippe Espagnole en 1918. Il est vrai qu'on lui a mâché le travail, celle-là, avec quatre années de guerres et de privations pour lui préparer le terrain comme dans les meilleurs quartiers choléraquisés d'Africanie bellicisante.

Or donc, le hasard faisant parfois bien des choses, cette année, le changement climatique semble avoir diversifié le scénario, à l'instar des
telenovelas d'Amérique Latine. Car justement au Mexique même, on a eu droit à un film légèrement plus original. Pour information, le froid hivernal favorise juste la survie du virus dans l'environnement, mais c'est la promiscuité de nous autres frileux qui cause véritablement les épidémies, lorsque nous autres primates glabres nous calfeutrons tous frissonnants après avoir rangé nos bikinis dans la naphtaline. Franchement, on n'a pas idée!
C'est à croire que ces hispanophones ont la poisse, vous ne trouvez pas? Chaque siècle, une pandémie de grippe éclôt chez eux...

Donc, crac-badaboum, hop, une grippe sugit au Mexique. Et devinez quoi? Vous avez suivi, non? Oui? Walid, au fond de la classe? "Cette grippe tue"? Bravo, Walid Abal-Daken, tu auras un 10/10! En effet, cette grippe est comme les autres!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O stupeur! Gaspebisque! Panique dans les pâturages! Mobilisation dans les rédactions! A la trappe, le reste des gros titres de l'actualité mondiale : les réformes d'Obama, la contestation de Sarkozy, les émissions de gaz de Poutine, les prouts islamistes en Irak, la surpopulation en Inde, la famine quelque part en Afrique, le dernier single de Britney Spears, les outrances pseudo-vestimentaires de Monsieur Eolake Stobblehouse, et on a même failli, ô sacrilège, rater le divorce de Silvio Berlusconi, ma qué mamma mia, per la Madona, qué calamitosa, bouggoro dé cornouto! Enfin, braves électeurs, calmez votre panique de volailles décapitées, sur ce coup on a frôlé la catastrophe.

On a aussi esquivé de peu l'erreur judiciaire, et failli gâcher la joie de Brigitte Bardot, qui a enfin convaicu l'Europe de ne plus acheter de fourrure de bébés phoques [vous voyez qu'il progresse, le monde?]. A mon avis, Brigitte a corrompu la Commission Européenne en menaçant chacun de ses membres de coucher avec lui s'il ne votait pas le boycott! C'est la Cicciolina à l'envers, si signor. Enfin, bref, Brigitte est soulagée, de justesse.

Oui, soulagée, car on a failli accuser des zanimos z'innocents, comme Porcinet, le brave et honnête copain de mon copain d'enfance Winnie. "Grippe porcine", qu'ils disaient. "Haro sur le porcelet", crièrent à ces maux les animaux humains malades de la peste. Mais pas un seul suidé (suis domesticus) malade n'a été trouvé jusqu'ici! Cette épidémie est une situation
sui generis, spécifique aux Homo sapiens en cavalcade affolée. Ah, pardon, on me signale à l'instant cette dépêche : on vient de découvrir un groupe de cochons malades de la grippe. Au Mexique? Nenni, au Canada. Une imbécile de femelle humaine, (re)venant du Mexique toute infectée et gouttante, les a empoisonnés avec ses sales microbes, prétextant qu'elle est leur éleveur et qu'elle fait ce qu'elle veut de ses bestiaux. Méchante tyrannique, va! Calisse de méchant scandale, tabernak!

D'autant qu'il n'a pas fallu attendre cette info, et l'injustice faite à ces pauvres bêtes en rajoutant l'agression biologique à la campagne de diffamation au Canada, pour qu'un autre pays soi-disant civilisé saute sur le prétexte pour justifier un génocide. Non, pas la Serbie, pas le Soudan, pas le Rwanda, pas la Chine au Tibet, pas Benetton ches les indiens Mapuches, pas l'Allemagne néo-nazie ni Israël réprimant l'intifada du moment. Mais bien la riante et touristique Egypte! Boycottez l'Egypte, et visitez plutôt le Liban, je touche une commission quand je nous fais de la pub voyagiste.

Donc, l'Egypte a décrété, sans chambres à gaz butane mais on s'en passera bien, l'extermination complète de la race porcine sur son territoire. Combien de cochons malades, chez eux? Euh, [atendez que je compte] environ... zéro! Même des cochons à deux pattes, décrits par le naturaliste George Orwell, pas un n'a été saisi ne serait-ce que d'un éternuement pharaonique, par Horus et par Porcus. Une chance pareille, c'est presque de la magie!

Mais, me demanderez-vous (du calme, mon petit Walid, je vais y venir), on élève donc des animaux impurs, en sainte terre d'Islam, dans le pays de l'Université théologique d'Al-Azhar? Nom d'une fatwa enturbannée, comment se fait-il, comment se peut-ce?

C'est qu'il y a des Chrétiens, en Egypte. Une petite douzaine de millions, tout de même... Des Coptes, une des plus anciennes communautés Jésusoïste du monde, avec celle de Palestine/Israël et celle d'Irak. Et ils ne sont pas toujours riches, notez. Par une curieuse coïncidence, ce sont souvent les plus pauvres des Egyptiens, notamment les fameux
zabbaline, les récupérateurs d'ordures, les chiffonniers du Caire que Sœur Emmanuelle côtoya. Et s'ils osent provoquer ainsi les quelques rares islamistes dont la tolérance est occasionnellement imparfaite, c'est pour leur consommation personnelle et par nécessité de survie. Car le porc est le trésor du pauvre (pensez aux tirelires). Cet animal frugal se nourrit de pratiquement n'importe quoi (y compris de redoutables vipères, à l'occasion, ce qui sauva plus d'un humain à défaut de Cléopâtre), et sa production de viande est des plus généreuses. La viande de porc revient 2 fois moins cher que celle plus cachère de bœuf, et 4 fois moins que celle bien halal de mouton. Au point qu'en France, la moitié des fabricants de saucisses merguez (qui pourtant sont aussi musulmans que leurs pieux clients) introduisent du cochon dans leurs charcuteries, bien sûr sans le mentionner sur l'étiquette. Qu'Allah nous préserve, on panique, on s'inquiète, on s'émeut!

Comme l'émotion est mauvaise conseillère, les rumeurs bien sûr se jettent sur tous ceux qui n'ont pas déjà attrapé le vilain virus de la grippe porcine mexicaine. La Nature a horreur du vide. En Egypte tout particulièrement, certains insinuent outrancièrement que cet abattage global (aucun suidé ne doit y survivre, d'ici un mois), commencé depuis une semaine dans l'indifférence de l'Occident chrétien et porcophage, certain médisent que c'est simplement une excuse, que les cochons sont juste des boucs émissaires pour persécuter les chrétiens, et faire plaisir à l'opposition fondamentaliste, qui ne manquera pas d'y voir un signe de faiblesse du pouvoir. Je vous jure, ce que les gens naïfs peuvent être médisants, parfois. Tout ça, simplement parce que la décision a été prise en même temps par le Ministre de la Santé et le Président Moubarak en personne? Et après, ça prouve quoi, hein? On insinue dans la foulée d'autres énormités, au vu des accrochages opposant quelques petites dizaines de milliers de chiffoniers à de gentils gendarmes à gros gourdins, gaudriole garantie. Par exemple, on insinue que l'indemnisation promise aux éleveurs, revue à la baisse, passée de 80 à 13 euros par animal, n'aurait jamais été versée aux ayants droits dont les bêtes sont déjà abattues, et certains parlent de "politiciens avares même dans les promesses". Qu'est-ce qu'il ne faut pas entendre. Tout ça sous prétexte que les Coptes voient régulièrement des émeutes, chaque semaine ou mois, au prétexte à chaque fois que des musulmans auraient enlevé des filles coptes pour les convertir de force et les marier de même, ou que l'Etat leur interdit de faire la moindre réparation dans leurs bâtiments du culte. Mais moi, je n'écoute jamais ce genre d'histoires, je suis un bon patriote Libanais, moi, effendim.
''Snirfle!'' Méchants comploteurs de porcs terroristes qui s'enrhument!Je préfère écouter de pieux arabes bien fiables (par définition), des gens qui commencent toujours leurs discours par des prières, pour qui "mettre Allah à chaque coin de phrase, y a-t-il rien de plus beau?" (Pour citer un Libanais de ma connaissance.) Tenez, par exemple, la profonde sagesse dorée et parfumée qui est issue de la profonde bouche dorée et parfumée du successeur spirituel de Yasser Arafat face-de-cactus, j'ai nommé Mahmoud Ahmadi Nejad, le George W. Bush iranien. Un vrai Chrysostome, Mahmoud Bouche d'Or. Qui fut ré-invité à la seconde conférence de Durban contre le racisme (que le fonctionnaire onusien responsable se dénonce, c'est pas drôle), dans la Nation Arc-en-ciel où il fit promptement fleurir des perruques éponymes et des nez rouges avec ses propos hauts en couleur. Ce doit être de sacrées bonnes cartes de qualité qu'on imprime en Iran, s'il n'a toujours pas trouvé de gomme capable d'en effacer les quelques centimètres carrés représentant l'emplacement d'Israël. Alors forcément, il évacue sa frustration compréhensible à chaque occasion et à qui veut l'entendre. (Même à ceux qui ne veulent pas, d'ailleurs. Les altermondialistes ont sorti leurs tenues de clowns, les Européens sont sortis de la salle, et M.A.N. a sorti le grand jeu.)
ON RECHERCHE pour animer les anniversaires - Cactus Ding Jack, dit Bozo - $$$$$L'Occident, toujours soucieux des Droits de l'Homme, même le moins viril, ont dû renoncer à défendre la liberté (au passage légitime bien que sexuelle) des fifes, moumounes, chochottes, pédés, trans, lesbiennes et autres gays "à la sexualité alternative", comme on dit chez les gens bien. Ces homosexuels qui se voient très occasionnellement un tout petit peu enquiquinés dans tous les pays musulmans, y compris le mien. "Un détail de l'Histoire, n'en parlons plus, on ne va pas se fâcher pour si peu." Heureusement, en contrepartie de cette reculade, l'Occident a obtenu qu'on évite également de faire tourner la con-fée-rance en eau de boudin comme la précédente en accusant Israël d'être le pays le plus raciste du mond... euh, bon, passons! [Yalla, la suite, vite!]

Curieusement, la criminalisation de la liberté de religion dans une majorité de pays musulmans, y compris les grands amis de l'Occident pieux et tolérant, personne n'a pensé à en parler. Les homosexuels, c'est la priorité number ouane, on dirait. Désolé, les Chrétiens, on dirait que vous avez perdu l'avantage du nombre.
Mais il faut avouer que Moumou-Didi n'est pas le plus mal placé pour jacasser sur un racisme politisé déplacé. Relativisons l'outrance de Cactus Jackob : en Iran, le saviez-vous?, les droits de la communauté Chrétienne sont strictement protégés, y compris celui d'utiliser du vin, boisson alcoolisée, dans la pratique hebdomadaire de leur culte. Alors qu'une vaste majorité de pays non chiites, eux, vous colleraient un Nazarite en prison pour crime de prière. (Non, Walid, on ne citera pas de noms.)
Moi, je considère que changer de religion n'offense pas Dieu. Ça offense seulement le monopole (sordide) que certains tentent de s'arroger sur Dieu.
Sol lucet omnibus, fratri. Mais qu'est-ce que j'y connais, moi, en religion? Mécréant comme je suis...

Au Liban aussi, Allah soit loué (loué, c'est le cas de le dire!), tout le monde est libre d'appartenir à sa religion et de la pratiquer. En sus, dans notre beau pays pas si arriéré que cela, le "crime d'apostasie" n'existe pas dans les textes de loi. Si un musulman (ou un chrétien, ou un druze, ou un bouddhiste, ou un végétarien, ou un scientologue, vraiment n'importe qui) choisit de changer de religion, il/elle est légalement libre de le faire. [Par exemple, de nombreux Sunnites sont devenus Chiites pour permettre à leurs enfants filles d'hériter.]
Au pire, sa famille a toutes les chances de le/la déclarer mort(e) dans leurs cœurs et de ne plus jamais lui parler, mais il n'y a pas de "crime d'honneur" impuni pour ces cas-là, et d'ailleurs en général on n'essaie pas de les, euh, "purifier par le sang". Chez nous. Youpi.''Chouette alors! Merci pour l'info!''Je connais des gens dans ce cas. Leur vie est malheureuse, ça se comprend quand ceux que vous aimez vous renient et vous méprisent, mais leur vie N'EST PAS menacée, et encore moins leur liberté de citoyens.
Au passage, en Iran, les transsexuels se voient FINANCER par l'Etat l'opération qui fera d'eux des "elles", des femmes. Plutôt ouvert, comme attitude. Mais je digresse.

Le régime Sioniste, certes, a en pratique une attitude et des pratiques notablement racistes envers les Palestiniens et ses propres citoyens non-juifs, mais a AU MOINS le mérite de ne pas mettre hors-la-loi leur foi même. Il n'existe pas en Israël de "délit de mosquée", "d'infraction par recel de Bibles multiples", ou de "crime de conversion". Rendons à Pilate ce qui appartient à Pilate.
Alors que les Chrétiens d'Orient, c'est toute une culture qui est en train de disparaître dans un silence assourdissant. Tenez, un peu comme ce qui se passe en ce moment même au Kosovo : cimetières profanés, monastères saccagés ou rasés, Orthodoxes lynchés et vivant cloîtrés... La CIA le savait depuis le début, que cette UCK c'est des intégristes.
La trahison des Chrétiens, je la reproche d'abord et avant tout à leurs soi-disant frères des pays puissants, qui vendent leur sang contre du pétrole. Heureusement que le pétrole, bientôt, il n'y en aura plus. Sauf en Norvège, et dans la Russie honnie, qu'à ce moment on se hâtera d'aller courbetter au petit trot, tagada-tagada, gouzi-gouzi.

Entretemps, on aura probablement constaté la disparition officielle des Coptes, des Assyriens, des Chaldéens, des Grands Pandas, des Gorilles de montagne, des Orang-outans de Bornéo, des Baleines Bleues, des Nargles de Saint Louis, et du Dauphin du Yangtse-Kiang (également appelé en Chine "Dauphin Rose du Fleuve Jaune"). Tenez, le temps que je finisse d'écrire ceci, je vous parie qu'une de ces espèces, moins résistante que l'Israelis hebraicus, est déjà, elle, gommée des cartes.
Un vrai tour de cochon. Et... si Momo l'a abandonné, qui donc sauvera encore Porcinet du boucher? Le mérite-t-il seulement, cet animal goinfre et disgracieux? Ou y a-t-il des virus informatiques dans les DVD version espagnole de
Winnie et ses amis, qui menacent nos chers enfants? Quelqu'un a-t-il pensé à nos enfants?

Bon, moi, hein, je m'en fiche, je suis tranquille. Chez moi, j'ai juste un chat et quelques canaris. Pas le moindre porc. Même pas un cochon d'inde! Alors, la politique mondiale, ce n'est pas ce qui va me faire perdre le sommeil ni même l'appétit.
Qui veut une côtelette?

P.S.: Mes excuses à Kurt Westergaard pour la caricature!

P.S.2: Je viens d'apprendre que le chef spirituel des Frères Musulmans en Egypte a rendu un vibrant hommage au Hezbollah, qui est en conflit ouvert avec le gouvernement Moubarak. C'est bien la preuve que Son Altitude Présidentielle Hosni Beyk n'a pas essayé d'amadouer les islamistes avec cette affaire d'abattage porcin. Puisqu'ils ne sont pas du tout amadoués! CQFD...


Joe Dick said...

Don't you know that flu shots are a government mind control plot? Jeez! Talk about being uninformed, Doc.

...I haven't yet read the rest of this one but will respond when I do. However:

fags, wusses, sissies, trannies, dykes, lesbians and other gays "of alternate sexuality", as they say among fine-speaking folks.

wusses and sissies aren't actually can be straight and still be a wuss or sissy!

Joe said...

"Egypt has decreed, ..... the complete extermination of the swine race on its land."

"no sick swine (suis domesticus) was found so far"

Beware when the government or news media make a big show without any evidence to show it to be true.

Just like a magician giving a magic show. What you see before you may only be a distraction from what is being done behind the curtain.

The phrase "Trust but verify" is useful when seeking the truth.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Sure I know, JD. This is at least the second time you tell me so. I've been following in class, you know!
Heeeey, waidamminit! I didn't say anything about flu shots in this post.
You tricked me!
Ah, Joe Dick, you dastardly man, pulled a fast one on me again! Mumble mumble sassafrassin...

"wusses and sissies aren't actually gays"
How should I know? I was just enjoying the random lobbing of stereotype terms. Shows how ignorant I am about stereotypes... I confess, I was just trying to sound cooler than I am!

Actually, about "wusses and sissies", that's not what the post-war Hollywood movies said. The wusses, sissies, wimps, etc were a transparent excuse to bash at effeminate (or just insufficiently virile) young men. All presumed to be homos. Naturally!

So, the Arab world isn't so far behind, after all. Gay bashing and imprisoning in the West only recently fell out of fashion!
Yalla ya ekhwan, a little more effort, we've almost caught up with the civilization level of the imperialist Great Satan!
Were it not for McCain's defeat, we glorious Arabs would probably be at the same level today, regarding the treatment of gays and atheists. Too bad they had to elect Obama, that accursed anti-conservative of lowly African origin.

"What you see before you may only be a distraction from what is being done behind the curtain."
You Westerners see evil everywhere! What, don't you trust the Government?
Oh, right, I forgot. Those flu shots.

Anyway, verifying is illegal in Egypt.

Joe Dick said...

I was just trying to sound cooler than I am!

How could you possibly be cooler? You're already stone cold, man!

This is at least the second time you tell me so.

Oh yeaaah. That started the whole confusion over which Mr. X we were talking about. Memories!

I didn't say anything about flu shots in this post.
You tricked me!

You mentioned flu, I think flu shots. Flu kills, but flu shots are a mind control plot. Better to die than to be assimilated! ;-)

Actually, about "wusses and sissies", that's not what the post-war Hollywood movies said. The wusses, sissies, wimps, etc were a transparent excuse to bash at effeminate (or just insufficiently virile) young men. All presumed to be homos. Naturally!

Ah, well, I guess I'm going by their meaning today, 'round these parts.

So, the Arab world isn't so far behind, after all. Gay bashing and imprisoning in the West only recently fell out of fashion!

Gay bashing has only officially gone out fashion, it is actually alive and well. As Seymour said in Ghost World, today people still hate each other but they hide it better. Racism and other unpleasant things are alive and well in the mighty West today. At least they've decriminalized homosexuality, here anyway. In some States sodomy even among heterosexual couples is still a crime. But, on the bright side, not a stoning offence. And we can say "Jehovah" with impunity these days too!

Too bad they had to elect Obama, that accursed anti-conservative of lowly African origin.

Obama, who recently took heat over his use of Dijon mustard instead of good ol' American mustard. Too make it worse, it was Gray Poupon! I wonder if he said the line - "Pardon me, sir, but do you have any gray poupon?"

Oh, right, I forgot. Those flu shots.

Damn straight!

Joe said...

"What, don't you trust the Government?"

The government consumes everything.
Taking wealth using taxes,taking property using imminent domain, controlling with laws backed up with force from police.

They spend with money borrowed from future generations. Our children and grandchildren will have to labor to pay what is owed.

We have a government running wild and will have to change to earn my trust.

Joe said...

"this flu is like the others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I know that at almost anytime there are lots of cases of INFLUENZA in the world. So just how does this "swine flu" or H1M1
compare to what we have had over the last five years?

Is is hype or is this the real start of a pandemic?

Joe Dick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"Stone cold"? Yup, Steve Austin, the 6-megabyte man, that's me! I was a big fan of the old series (you know, "the 6-megadollars man", but since then there has been inflation).

"Flu kills, but flu shots are a mind control plot. Better to die than to be assimilated!"
"Resistance is futile"? Don't try and tell that to our National Resistance, better known abroad as Hezbollah.
They don't really enjoy being called "futile".

Actually, that "Resistance/assimilation" joke works double. Because Hezbollah is very much dedicated to preventing the American-imposed assimilation of "our" Palestinian refugees, which would brutally upset the fragile demographic and communities balance of our small country.
As that video game would say, "Resistance, or the fall of Man". Decisions, decisions... ;-)

"Gay bashing [...] is actually alive and well."
Ah, good for the health and fitness of our fine Aryan... I mean, Arab/American youth! Chasing after gays running for dear life is excellent for cardiovascular endurance, which helps overall longevity. Plus, riding with hounds is such a fine old sporting tradition, is it not? Jolly good fun for the whole family.
I know, getting confessions under torture is ALSO an old tradition. Viceroy Cheney knew that well.

"At least they've decriminalized homosexuality, here anyway."
See? The West is wimpimg out!
"Better to be Black or Jewish than gay : at least, you don't have to justify it to your parents." - (Sammy Davis Jr, I think)

"In some States sodomy even among heterosexual couples is still a crime."
You should have added : CONSENTING heterosexual couples. ):-P
I'd love it if everybody just told these judges fo f*** off. Whichever way they like it (the f***ing), their decision.
I've always wondered... how DO they enforce such a law? I mean, do they send a cop to monitor the intimacy of every couple who "does it"? Or is it just a convenient way for those who want to break up? "He/She asked me to do you-know-what, and I'm a law-abiding citizen, yes I am"? Hello burden of proof!

And we can say "Jehovah" with impunity these days too!"
Great Jehosaphat and holy mythology, Batman! You sure about that?
[All with me now] "IS THIS GREAT NEWS, OR WHAT?"

"Obama, who recently took heat over his use of Dijon mustard instead of good ol' American mustard."
That hypocrite! Already betraying good old Americal protectionnism!

"I wonder if he said the line"
You're assuming, my good friend, that everybody in the world is familiar with the same ads as you. Jolly good try, but... Make mine Excelsior! :-)

[Continued on next 4,096 microns salami slice]

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Joe [I'll call you "High-flying Joe" to differenciate you from The Dickster, okay?],
To understand my, um, "discrete enthusiasm" for all forms of Government, I suggest you check about our former -now martyr- Prime Minister Rafik Hariri, paragraph 6 of that page.
I have nothing to add to such praise. (Especially from Lebanon where I live! ;-)

"So just how does this "swine flu" or H1M1 compare to what we have had over the last five years?"
As I said, the pigs are scape goats here. ;-)
The main difference, I think, apart from all the hype (you can't BUY such advertising!), is that it's appeared as an epidemic in warm season and a warm country. Which violates everything Grandma ever taught us about contagious diseases, that "they come from the temperature".
Could it be then, that they're actually from a MICROBE?
Now, that's news, baby! STOP THE PRESSES!
Granted, it has already killed more humans worldwide (about 5,000) than road accidents in France over a year. That's dramatic. A real genocide! The end is nigh.
I think it's high time I blow all my life savings on a wild party of booze and hookers. You know, so that I can show up before Allah with a clear mind, if not a spotless moral record. ;-)

It IS a pandemic, meaning an epidemic that spans the whole planet. But a "pandemic" doesn't mean, by far, that everybody will be infected, and even less that we're all going to die.
So, on second thought, I think I'll just save a bit of cash for when the PlayStation4 comes out...
Besides, a handsome guy like me doesn't need to pay hookers. It's generous enough that *I* accept to sleep with them for free, the pimps are all in my debt.

Plenty of "kittens" to go around for everyone here. You're welcome to crash at my mansion any time, baby.
Just don't crash with an airplane, I've just had the roof redone.
A nice solid gold dome, Kremlin style. I hope it's not too ostentatious. I was thinking of going with platinum, but gold goes better with the emerald rim...
BTW, which pool do you prefer? Cold water, warm, hot, champagne, Scotch, or the Perrier jacuzzi? (The Beaujolais one is getting cleaned after the Elephant Parade passed too close to it. Woo-hoo, was THAT a fun evening!)

It's funny, when you think of it. Opposition leader Michel Aoun has drawn attention by presenting in the Metn region a list with three candidates all named Ghassan. (In Arabic, you might call it "the Three Ghassassin List".) Me, I'm settling with a blog for the average Joe.
Still, the level of the commenting Joe remains well above average! :-)

Joe said...

"Swine Flu Garners Pandemic Status
Pandemic Is First Involving Influenza in More Than 40 Years"

It is now "offical". We have a pandemic. Time to lock the doors and hide in the bathroom.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

To the bathroom, everyone!

During the war, we lived in a rented apartment on the top floor. Above us, there was nothing but the terrace. Most lebanese houses don't have a tiled roof and an attic, because they're designed so that there's always the possibility to build an additional floor for the children when they grow up.
So, when there were artillery shellings, the protection was rather slim. And no real shelter in da hood, either.
Except, another Lebanon peculiarity, is that all houses have a water reservoir, because the water doesn't arrive all day long. And it so happens that the reservoirs of the house were in the middle of the terrace, just over the central (and only) bathroom.
So, my mother, noticing this, carefully told us that in case we hear anything, we should hurry into the bathroom. "And anybody who happens to be in there better unlock the door!"

It inspired this joke to my older brother:
"What are the four sounds of a shell being fired?
- Boom. [distant sound]
- Fweeee...
- Into the bathroom! Into the bathroom!"

Joe said...

"I suggest you check about our former -now martyr- Prime Minister Rafik Hariri,

His wealth grew from less than $1 billion dollars when he was appointed prime minister in 1992, to over $16 billion when he died."

Seems the top government officials always know how to turn a profit.

"Time to lock the doors and hide in the bathroom."

My thinking was that survival would be easier in the bathroom. Have water to drink and could take care of body functions if needed.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"Seems the top government officials always know how to turn a profit."
If you haven't lived in a Third World country, you can barely imagine! The talent and constant effort of all these dedicated businessmen, brings a tear to my eye, aye it does.
Makes me SO much more prosaic and pragmatic about the rest of the -equivalent- world. While you decadent Westerners still maintain futile frustrated fancy fantasies about seeing an end to the corruption.
Or that whole Human Rights silliness.

Speaking of which, that "little unpleasant business" in Egypt must be over by now, I reckon. (Has it been a month? Already?) Nobody even bothers to talk about it any more.

"Have water to drink and could take care of body functions if needed."
Oh, yeah, that too. I had almost forgotten, but yeah, we had noticed that bonus convenience, back in the day.
Now, if only I could also have my TV, PlayStation, and some leg room... ah yes, and a cooking corner.
The magazines, that's already taken care of.

Anonymous said... is very informative. The article is very professionally written. I enjoy reading every day.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Thank you, that's most kind.
Especially given that I'm far from updating the blog every day! :-)

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Important note :
Spammers, DO NOT BOTHER!

I continuously keep my blog clean.
If you insist, I'll just change the settings to keep you out.

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