Nearly all the posts are bilingual.
Presque tous les articles sont bilingues.

English spoken. On parle français. (وكمان منفهم عربي، حبيبي)

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Aarrrr!baya

In Saudi Arabia, an islamist sheikh, Mohammed al-Habadan, recommends that women's abaya only let one of their eyes show. So that they'll be less "visually erotic", I presume...
I think I'd still prefer the burqa. On top of being more straightforward about it, it's probably a lot more practical than that ninja pirate style.
Unless Sheikh Mohammed al-Habadan counts precisely on that? Deprived of proper distance assessing along with their stereoscopic vision, those women would soon smash straight into a lamp-post. And a black eye is even less "suggestive". Mashallah, what a brilliant idea!
The doctors will be thanking him, in these times of economic crisis!
An eye for an eye... After the Talion law, the Taliban law?...

''Choukran, ya Daktôr!''[Image © Maurice Henry]

En Arabie Saoudite, un cheikh islamiste, Mohammed al-Habadan, préconise que la abaya des femmes n'en laisse voir qu'un seul œil. Pour qu'elles soient moins "visuellement érotiques", je présume...
Je crois que je préfèrerais encore la burqa. En plus d'avoir le mérite de la franchise, elle est probablement nettement plus fonctionnelle que ce look de pirate-ninja.
A moins que Cheikh Mohammed al-Habadan ne compte justement là-dessus? Privées de la bonne appréciation des distances en même temps que de leur vision stéréoscopique, ces femmes auraient vite fait de s'emplâtrer dans un réverbère. Et un œil au beurre noir, c'est encore moins "suggestif". Mashallah, quelle idée de génie!
Ce sont les médecins qui vont être contents, en ces temps de crise!
Œil pour œil... Après la loi du Talion, la loi du Taliban?...

18 comments:

Joe Dick said...

recommends that women's abaya only let one of their eyes show. So that they'll be less "visually erotic", I presume...

Covering it up only makes what little is showing that much more tantalizing. They should follow Ferengi style and make women walk around buck naked...then those hard-up Saudis would become so used to nudity that it would cease to be erotic... Well, almost. You know what I mean. It's how you get used to nudity on a nude (or "clothing optional" beach). I'm talkin' 'bout spendin' most our lives livin' in Eolake's Nudist Paradise.

it's probably a lot more practical than that ninja pirate style.

Most practicaly maybe but less cool. This way you get to look like a ninja!

And a black eye is even less "suggestive".

Plus it lets the other guys know you know how to take of b'ness!

Joe said...

"In Saudi Arabia, an islamist sheikh, Mohammed al-Habadan, recommends that women's abaya only let one of their eyes show."

She could wear a sack over her head with no eye visible.
Wait she could wear dark sun glasses. That surely would cover her eyes and the sheikh be pleased.
But if you can not see the eyes, how would you know that she is not a spy. A spy can be sneaky they wear a disguise to sneak up on you.

Guess that is a risk we will have to take.
Joe

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Sorry, High-Flying Joe, sunglasses are WAY too sexy. So quit suggesting pornographic attire to our women already, you decadent infidel!
I bet you ogle them from above when you're in that airplane of yours. ALERT! A SPY! LOOK, UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A...Oh, no, wait, that's just the Great Satan's protector, Superman, using his long-range see-through vision. Ease up, my pious brothers, false alarm.

No, I'm serious! If Superman was interested in ogling women, he'd dress differently! Must be searching for our Jihad training camps, that's all.

Recently in Pakistan, Taliban kamikazes AGAIN disguised themselves with burqas, concealing their explosives jackets (and profuse beards!) and passing themselves as "harmless, insignificant" women. To blow up Pakistani civilians.
I'm hoping this alone will get the Pakistanis so fed up that they'll outlaw the burqa in all regions not controlled by the Taliban.
If they aren't SO "morally" stubborn that they prefer getting killed rather than allowing women to have a face. To risk or not to risk, oh Allah, what kind of a question is that?

JD,
This may come as a surprise to you, but Saudi men -and teenagers- are among the most sex-obsessed I have ever seen. (Not claiming there's a relation, but if the slipper fits...)
Who else do you know of, that would go kill themselves to murder "sexually permissive perverted Westerners" in their own faraway decadent country... for the promise of an eternal orgy in Heaven with their own six dozen private, superhumanly lascivious, everlasting virgins?

"This way you get to look like a ninja!"
I've already blogged about this long ago...
Surprised? ;-)

A BOOMING VOICE FROM ABOVE SPEAKING IN ARABIC said...

To risk or not to risk, oh Allah, what kind of a question is that?
Do not question, you miscreant gnat, or YOUR Heaven will be an eternity of fucking your elderly, toothless, obese, smelly and RELENTLESS mother-in-law!
Thus spake der Zupreme-Ustra

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Wow. That was swift. Somebody's being vigilant!
And I mean Somebody with a capital 'S'. Probably with the power to (gasp!) moderate my own blog...

[Kowtows in the general direction of the desert oil fields, just to be on the safe side.]

Joe Dick said...

for the promise of an eternal orgy in Heaven with their own six dozen private, superhumanly lascivious, everlasting virgins?

I'd rather not have the virgins. Give me the sluttiest whores of all time.

JD,

So because of this other douche I'm downgroaded to "JD"?! I'll have to start calling you Doctor Cox.

Joe Dick said...

Do not question, you miscreant gnat, or YOUR Heaven will be an eternity of fucking your elderly, toothless, obese, smelly and RELENTLESS mother-in-law!

That depends on how she is in bed. I could handle elderly, toothless, obese, and smelly (even add hairy to the list) - and let's not forget relentless - if she's got a red snapper that talks to ya!

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

So, you'd prefer to be "The Dickster"? Works for me.
Anything to stop you from offending away my precious few commentators! Come on, Joe, I'm dying here, man. Have a liver. (Or is that "have a thyroid"? A spleen? A pancreas? Getting warmer...)

'Sides, you know, I consider initials to be one form of fond nicknames to my friends... You'll see in my novels. Some faraway day, in a past Galaxy...

"Doctor Cox" sounds less nasty than Dr House... ;-)

BTW, real ninjas don't douche. Regular douching is disadvised, anyway.

As for the virgins (official term is hoorees), they're slutty awright. Virgin ho's, forever pristine, just like re-wrapped second hand videogames. ;-)
What, you think virgins sluttier than any Earth whore are a tough miracle for Allah to pull? Anything for the fine kamikazes pulverizing random innocents for the Good Fight. FIGHTALITY! DO HER!

Oh, no wait: that would be Mortal Koitus : the Forbidden Leisure Suit Larry Adventure. Located not in the Land of Lounge Lizards, but in the Land of Oriental Virgin Ninja Whores of Hot Ultimate Doom That Kills With A Grudge. Or LOV'N WHUD TK WAG for short.

"That depends on how she is in bed."
A nasty skanky bossy nag, naturally. It wouldn't be a punishment otherwise. Or is it? To be or not to be...

"if she's got a red snapper that talks to ya!"
It doesn't just talk (and real mean, too), it's got teeth. And it bites. Never heard of the vagina dentata?

THE BOOMING VOICE, SOUNDING UNPLEASED said...

Again asking the question? Aw, go fry yourself an Homelet in the land of the Danes.

Joe said...

"Sorry, High-Flying Joe, sunglasses are WAY too sexy"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:N12453669_33496749_5845.jpg

Look at these sun glasses, surely you cannot convince me they are too sexy.

But wait,
it WOULD be a good disguise for a spy. Who would suspect such a person could be a danger?

A good spy is someone you would least suspect.
Joe

Joe Dick said...

So, you'd prefer to be "The Dickster"? Works for me.

Sure, why not?

BTW, real ninjas don't douche. Regular douching is disadvised, anyway.

You'll notice I said "this other douche" meaning, I guess, that I consider myself a douche too. :-) According to Wikipedia, that is what they call a "false friend" to English-speakers. To call a French dude a douche would probably result in puzzlement more than anything.

What, you think virgins sluttier than any Earth whore are a tough miracle for Allah to pull?

If they're virgins how could they be any good at the horizontal mambo? Besides, Allah has fucked enough things up flatter than hammered shit in the past, his omnipotence/omniscience is constantly called into question.

Oh, no wait: that would be Mortal Koitus : the Forbidden Leisure Suit Larry Adventure. Located not in the Land of Lounge Lizards, but in the Land of Oriental Virgin Ninja Whores of Hot Ultimate Doom That Kills With A Grudge. Or LOV'N WHUD TK WAG for short.

Get working on that, you'd make a mint!

And it bites. Never heard of the vagina dentata?

No, I hadn't, and to be honest I was a lot happier before I knew. A LOT happier! ;-)

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters"

WTF?!?!?

Blogger is now conspiring against my attempts to beat my own posting size record?

Espèce de poire à lavement pour toilette féminine intime!

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"Look at these sun glasses, surely you cannot convince me they are too sexy."
Oy, mensch, are you meshugas?
The bigger the eyes, the sexier. Ergo, same for the shades, dudeski! Kapish?
In most ancient and classic Arab poetry, the ideal of the beautiful feminine eye was, get this, "cow-like". I kid you not.
Okay, so maybe not many comparison opportunities available in these desert countries... :-)

Great for a spy, anyho'. Firstmently, because they're sexy, precisely. Who ever heard of a non-stunning spy, eh?
Secondish, because they're so guddurn unconspicuous. Nobody will ever spot you behind those sun-blocking bad babies! Not even with X-ray-ted vision. It's like hiding a toddler behind a tanker, yo.

[To be continued]

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"So, you'd prefer to be "The Dickster"?
- Sure, why not?"

Um... in the odd case of pathological modesty, perhaps? Some people literally have a phobia about bragging, you know. Makes them overly humble. ;-)

You'll notice I said "this other douche"
Asolutely, mon. I had noticed, and how!
But just in the odd chance that you had a phobia about humility...
In these PC times, you can never be too careful!
(Really. DON'T be too careful. It's dangerous. Nasty side effects on the intelligence, perhaps you've heard the rumors.)

"To call a French dude a douche would probably result in puzzlement more than anything."
Almost. If you want to obtain EVEN MORE puzzlement, try calling some random French an "espèce de George Douche". Bewilderment certified!!!
"Douche" in french means a shower. If you try insulting a Gaul by suggesting they're clean, no doubt you'll send them deep in thought. (Or get them to wonderingly smell their underarms. "Douche? Does he think I need...?")

The term, as it transited to English, would be rendered in French by "toilette féminine intime".
And if you mean it as short for "douchebag", then I guess you have to memorize "poire à lavement pour toilette féminine intime".
If the Frenchman has enough cosmopolitic culture to know that the utterly bizarre and irrelevant often conveys terrible insults in other languages, then you're homebound, homie.

Hot dang chute, is my blog suckin' educational, or what?
[The public, in an instant chorus, obliges: "WHAT?"]
Ha-ha, very funny, that pun, guys.
Now pay attention, it's expensive but what comes next, trust me you don't want to miss.

Because, Jaydy, I'm amazed you still haven't commented here about how friggin' awesome an idea rainbow parties are.
And to think we owe this fantastic concept to the imagination of some fundamentalist moral prudes! (Yeah, I hear you, "who else?" ;-)
They must have gotten immoderate with sniffin' their jenkem...

"If they're virgins how could they be any good at the horizontal mambo?"
Oh, ye of little faith!
Haven't you listened? Houris are EVERLASTING virgins! Think cherry-flavored gum by Willie Wonka.
Every time you lambada-boom them, they return virginal immediately afterwards, brand new hymen and all.

I know, I know. Somehow, this idea is even more disturbing that a movie winning the "Most Memorable Mutilation" award for "Penis Bitten Off By Vagina With Teeth".

But hey, the Koran certifies that this is what awaits you in Heaven.
Provided you're converted to Islam and died while slaughtering infidels for being such sex maniacs in the wrong realm. (Namely, the only one you can be sure of.)

"Besides, Allah has fucked enough things up flatter than hammered shit in the past"
If you're suggesting in a convoluted manner that Allah recommends sodomy, you are correct.
Provided it's heterosexual real-entry when your legal one is "indisposed" every four weeks. But, oh utter shame of mine, I forget whether it's in the Holy Koran or "just" in the Hadith.

"Get working on that, you'd make a mint!"

I'm more interested in making a red-hot cherry pepper, but... any candy is good candy.

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

P.S.: The thing is, I have a slightly hard time feeling convinced to follow a guy who asks for a small piece of Little Paulie as a token of my loyalty, knowhatimsayin'?

So Wooly Wonko Kandy, I'll pass, muchas gracias hombre barbudo.
Besides, I'm not really one to fall for the "let's pretend every time is our first time" roleplaying routine...

Joe Dick said...

If you're suggesting in a convoluted manner that Allah recommends sodomy, you are correct.
Provided it's heterosexual real-entry when your legal one is "indisposed" every four weeks.


But I suppose those limber-dicked cocksuckers probably consider a blow job immoral, huh?

Joe Dick said...

Because, Jaydy, I'm amazed you still haven't commented here about how friggin' awesome an idea rainbow parties are.

Hadn't seen it. However, yes, that is an amazing idea, although I'm not sure how well it would actually work. You know what happens when you mix together a whole bunch of different colored paints? You get what is usually called "shit brown." Not a good look on a guy's wang.

I don't know what's supposed to be so immoral, though. I mean, what, teenagers doing the nasty? As long as they've heard of the invention of the condom, invented by Hector, c. 1200 BC, they should remain disease- and for the chicks baby-free.

Tell Oprah there are much worse problems in the world! Tell her to use some of her millions to help end poverty or famine or malnutrition or something. Fucking douche! ;-)

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

"But I suppose those limber-dicked cocksuckers probably consider a blow job immoral, huh?"
Limber? You mean auto-fellatio? I wouldn't know. Not really aware of what the traditional fatwas say on solo enjoyment.
But "anything you do in private is halal to you", the Hadith says. So whatever you and the four wifeys may fancy at home... as long as you don't shock the public morals of fine islamic citizens, it's kewl, yo. Go right a head, have a blast.
Also, I never heard anything about having four spouses and NOT being allowed to enjoy them together. If you can get them to not bicker all night long about precedence, that is! (Oy! Pipe it down already, you farshtunken yentas! Nu?)

Not sure the condom was invented by Hector. Wasn't it Minos, who got cursed with ejaculating snakes and scorpions?
Ah, yes, it's confirmed. Thank you, memory.

"Not a good look on a guy's wang."
Yeah, might as well skip on the jenkem (cooking the canon recipe) and save your nutella for this. I'm not sure about the taste of lipstick, even a mixture of colored fruit-flavored lipsticks.
The article's illustration, on the other hand, seems to offer a promising result if you keep "working" straight. ;-)

"Fucking douche"? Heeey, now THAT's another interesting idea to experiment! :-)))

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