Nearly all the posts are bilingual.
Presque tous les articles sont bilingues.

English spoken. On parle français. (وكمان منفهم عربي، حبيبي)

Most of this blog's contents is subject to copyright. For instance, many of the latest illustrations I've made myself. I'm the cooperative type. If you intend to borrow some material, please contact me by leaving a comment. :-)
La plupart du contenu de ce blog est soumis aux droits d'auteurs. Par exemple, nombre des illustrations les plus récentes sont faites par moi. Je suis du genre coulant. Si vous comptez emprunter du contenu, SVP contactez-moi en laissant un commentaire. :-)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Bye-bye, Mister ba-Bush!

Today George "Walker Texas Ranger" Bush left a power position at which he was never elected in 2000. Not elected, but appointed nevertheless. Like my grandmother always says, "it's always the most sensible one who gives up first", namely here Al Gore. Good-bye farewell, Mister Bush. I would say it's been a pleasure, but it would be a shameful waste of my lying talents...
Anyways, there are no worries to have on the future of the world's most famous moron after Alfred E. Neumann, Herostratus and Robert Mugabé. Dubya's reconversion is all set out : he's going to revolutionize the art of warfare. After having learned to blast around until hitting (with any luck and optimism) his target, he's going to make Patriot anti-missiles obsolete by having his dodging reflexes programmed in all American military devices, skyscrapers included. An idea which, applied earlier, would have spared us 9/11. All it woud've taken was replacing the steel in the WTC towers with rubber when they were built. Avoiding a pair of worn-out shoes or a pair of planes, basically it's the same process.
Still, I can't help but feel sorry for good ol' George. Think about it : how the blazes did such a dope, and furthermore a former drunk, manage to acquire such steady and impressive reflexes? There's only one explanation : he had to, very early on, in order to survive, which means he had a very tough childhood. Either Mr Bush Sr was slap-happy (and it shows in Junior's style in world Politics), or he used to sling his riding boots at the head of his least favorite son. "Ah, if only you coud've been more like your brother Jeb. But no, you're an idiot, son of an idiot, and a face that begs slapping." [WHOOSHHH!]
There, little George Walker would dodge, dash straight to his room, run away through the window by tying his bed sheets together, and go drown his blues in booze with his National Guard buddies. And then one day, he met Jesus who saved him, by saying : "Put down your bottle -yes yes, here, in the middle of the street, no problem-, come with me, and I'll make you a Fighter of the Faith.
- A Crusader, like them Templars and King Arthur?
- Exactly. Come on, move your carcass along. Amen.
- Sounds cool. Can I bring some friends?"

Charles Dickens made the story into a heart-splitting novels, merely changing the names. It became a classic, known to the world under the title "Oliver Twist". (The "twist", of course, is a nod to the lemon slice in cocktail drinks.)
While on a roll, given the literary mother lode he had struck, Dickens told about Dick Cheney in the bloated "Mister Pickwick", and the 2003 evidence gathering against Saddam Hussein in "David Copperfield".
So enjoy these few images from the upcoming movie adaptation, soon on all the screens of Baghdad. (Not those of Kaboul, because the Taliban have prohibited TV and cinema.)
My God, George, you have reflexes worthy of Bruce Lee!
"Yeah, ah dun an' met Bruce in Harvard. A tall hansum blonde feller wid blue eyes."
By the way, do you know how "God bless" translates in arabic? Barack Allah! A good omen...

''OK, all clear! ...aaaand... ACTION!''
[WHOOSHHH! Junior]
Champion at sports!
Hi-tech cyber-defense
Les nouveaux missiles Patriot

The dramatic 14th of December attacks : Sock and Owh!
Les attentats dramatiques du 14 Décembre : Socquettes et Sueur!

From right to left :
- "Is it prayer time? Already?"
- "No. President Bush is attending the press conference."
- "What about the smell of feet!!!"
De droite à gauche :
- "Déjà l'heure de la prière?"
- "Non. Le Président Bush sera à la conférence de presse."
- "Et l'odeur de pieds, alors?"


Aujourd'hui George "Walker Texas Ranger" Bush quitte le pouvoir auquel il n'a jamais été élu en 2000. Pas élu, mais nommé quand même. Comme dit ma grand-mère, "c'est toujours le plus raisonnable qui cède le premier", en l'occurrence Al Gore. Good-bye farewell, Mister Bush. J'aurais bien dit que ce fut un plaisir, mais ce serait un gaspillage honteux de mes talents de menteur...
En tout cas, il n'y a pas d'inquiétudes à avoir sur l'avenir du demeuré le plus célèbre de la planète après Alfred E. Neumann, Erostrate et Robert Mugabé. La reconversion de Dubya est toute tracée : il va révolutionner l'art militaire. Après avoir appris à taper partout jusqu'à atteindre (avec de la chance et de l'optimisme) sa cible, il va rendre les anti-missiles Patriot obsolètes en faiant programmer ses réflexes d'esquive dans tous les appareils militaires Américains, gratte-ciels compris. Une idée qui, appliquée plus tôt, nous aurait évité le 11 Septembre. Il aurait suffi de remplacer l'acier des buildings du WTC par du caoutchouc à leur construction. Eviter une paire de savates ou d'avions, c'est le même principe dans le fond.
Tout de même, je ne peux m'empêcher de le plaindre, ce brave George. Pensez-y : comment diantre un nigaud pareil, ancien alcoolique qui plus est, a-t-il pu acquérir des réflexes aussi fermes et impressionnants? Une seule explication : il y a été obligé très tôt, pour survivre, signe qu'il a eu une enfance très dure. Soit M. Bush père avait la taloche facile (et ça se voit dans le style politique international du fiston), soit il lançait ses santiags à la tête de son fils le moins préféré.
"Ah, si tu pouvais être plus comme ton frère Jeb. Mais non, t'es un abruti, fils d'abruti, et une tête à claques." [WHOOSHHH!]
Et là, le petit George Walker esquivait, filait dans sa chambre, fuguait par la fenêtre en attachant les draps, et allait noyer son blues dans l'alcool avec ses copains de la Garde Nationale. Et un jour, il a rencontré Jésus qui l'a sauvé, en lui disant :
"Pose ta bouteille -oui oui, là, au milieu de la rue, pas grave-, suis-moi, et je ferai de toi un Combattant de la Foi.
- Un Croisé, comme les Templiers et le Roi Arthur?
- Tout juste. Allez, amène-toi avec ta carcasse. Amen.
- Cool. Je peux amener des potes?"
Charles Dickens en a fait un roman poignant dont il a juste changé les noms. C'est devenu un classique que le monde connaît sous le titre
"Oliver Twist". (Le "twist", en anglais, c'est la rondelle de citron dans le cocktail.)
Dans la foulée, devant la richesse du filon, Dickens a raconté Dick Cheney dans
"Monsieur Pickwick" le boursouflé, et la collecte des preuves contre Saddam Hussein en 2003 dans "David Copperfield".
Savourez donc ces quelques images de l'adaptation en film, bientôt sur tous les écrans de Baghdad. (Pas ceux de Kaboul, parce que les Talibans ont proscrit TV et cinéma.)
My God, George, tu as des réflexes dignes de Bruce Lee!
"Yeah, j'ay connoûw Bruce à Harvard. Un bôw grand blonde aux yeûw blues."
Au fait, vous savez comment on dit "Dieu bénisse", en arabe? Barack Allah! Un bon présage...

7 comments:

anurag said...

Hi Pascal,

LOL! Wow! What a funny compilation of photos to explain the shoes-hittin' event on ex- US prez Bush. I like it. Well, I didn't the last part.

Anyways, one thing is really frightening me that would Eolake turn out to be a fraud or a wrong person? This is because, when I told about him to my mom & dad, my mom said that no person on earth who likes to look at nude women or any other nude picz are good guys. If somebbody else said it, then I wouldn't have mind much my mom has good psychic powers and it has proven to be true. It has happened in many incidents, so would it be true? I hope it won't happen.

anurag said...

Also, in some part Islamic part of Malaysia, where I live, they have implemented rules one women to dress-up decently ( modestly) since it would be signification that women are educated. Muslim women who don't wear headscarves are considered to be uneducated. How could that be?

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Anurag, Anurag... you really like discussing completely off-topic subjects, don't you?
I'll be answering your questions on the "Woman paradigm" thread, because it is far more relevant there. Very soon, I hope.

As for the last cartoon, I'm puzzled. You didn't like it why?
It is a cartoon in arabic, made by arabs. It doesn't mock islamic culture or prayer.
Remember: muslims wash up before going to the mosque. So their feet don't smell THEN. They are smelly here because they weren't prepared as with prayer. The apparent irony doubles with a hint that Bush is acting as if meeting him was as important as praying Allah. The subliminal message, understandable only to those of arabo-muslim culture, is "Who does this guy Bush think he is? Allah?"

Now, if you find this cartoon offensive because you have respect for George W. Bush, well I'm sorry, but I can't help you. I'm just using my freedom of expression and you must deal with it. ;-)

Anurag said...

Hello Pascal,

I am so sorry for that. And I am not offended by it.

Anonymous said...

Bush broght da smackdown on da towel head fucks! booya!

Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Um... wasn't that Sargeant Slaughter against The Sheikh, on Raw?
Bush direly lacks originality. It's all been done before, and better.
Okay, maybe not something as spectacular as 9/11 [then again, I recall how the walls of Jericho fell before the Hebrews...], but that wasn't Dubya's doing anyway.
More like one of them towel head fucks. A bona fide major THF, but still.
How embarrassing. So much for America's famed sense of innovation. And for the reputation of its intelligence agencies.
Even Daddy's boy's war for oil is cliché. Now, had he made a genuine liberation war, not just in his hollow speeches, THAT would've been an all-time world first. A welcome change from power, greed and conquest.
Liberate a country... not even the Crusades did it.

Anonymous said...

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